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| | | Why Duck Got No FuckySo who is Ducky and why didn’t get any fucky? For all of you born after the 1980's (otherwise known as the chicken shit generation) "Pretty In Pink" was a 1980's teen flick co-starring the character Ducky played by Jon Cryer (of Two and a Half Men fame). Basically, Ducky is a social outcast who always liked the girl who was out of his league in a game being played 3 states over. So what if a guy is a complete dork he still could get laid from something girl right? No. Guys who are like Ducky are like a failed financial system whose plan of getting out of debt is to keep spending. Lets find out why Ducky gets no fucky by exploring who Ducky is in Pretty in Pink, why he is doomed to fail, why girls don’t like him and how he unintentional helps the other guy get the girl.
So whats the story with Ducky in Pretty in Pink? For all the kids born after 1990, Ducky was Super Bad’s McLovin but with out the Lovin. In other words he was more like a McDuff meaning bungling geek wad who everyone avoided yet took the time to make fun of. For starters Ducky was the ultimate nerd and dorcas stapleton of the social circle of life. He wasn’t an honor roll student or anything note worthy academically, he was just a geek who had no concept of fashion nor fit in any social circle of desirability. The Ducky character also set the standard for all teen movies having a complete tool bag being the butt of all awkward situations. Furthermore, Ducky is the guy who would text you if he saw your mom, father, sister, brother or anyone of importance at the grocery store.
The bottom line reason guys like Ducky are doomed to fail is because they go over the top when trying to impress a girl. They end up becoming Super Guy Best Friend Mode before the girl even gets to know him. More specifically, if you’re a girl reading this, these Ducky guys do things like paint your mom’s house, go shopping with you, come over unannounced all the time, clean your house, baby sit your animals, get your mail, paint your walls, ask your mother again if there is anything they can do for them, listen to weird music like its cool, talk about strange catharsises that shaped their life and try become friends with all of your friends, talks about . This is just a taste of the many social ills that make up a Ducky.
Why don’t girls like guys like Ducky? Well after reading the above there should be a no brainer. In point of fact, girls like guys who are bad asses and have a sense of humor, not some snow queen sugar eating sissy boy who listens to Phish. In addition to, girls also like guys who throw rocks at things and can make girls drop to their knees to thank god that they were born a woman. Furthermore, guys like Ducky are incapable of making decisions and ask girls what they wants to do instead of telling them. Girls hate making decisions and guys like Ducky always want to do that story book crap but girls only want guys they can’t change to be like that.
The reason Ducky never got laid was because there was no such thing as female ass in his own social circles. Why? Because he was the only one in his social circle save other social out casts hiking on the trail of tears leading them to the mountain of gheyness. He was also the guy who showed up at all the wrong times further aggravating the girl he likes mood and embarrassing her in front of cool people. He also peppered her facebook profile with all those annoying applications thus sealing his fate of not getting laid. Lastly, Ducky looked like his own flavor of nerd candy.
In short, the Ducky’s of the world never get the girl of their dreams. Sometimes their only hope is to work at a mortuary to get a little one on one action wit a female corpse. Hell, even them Ducky would probably screw that up. In addition to, Ducky makes himself too available and offers no challenge to his dream girl. However, even if he did become an asshole, he is still a pink nightmare of no fashion sense whatsoever and epically fails in the arena of being a man. In conclusion, Ducky gets no fucky because he is a well to do Ned Flanders who is too available, comes off gay, has no sense of fashion, tries too hard whose annoying Candy Ass nature makes him unbearable to the female Sex let alone the girl he is obsessed with. | | | | |
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