1. There isn't a single acceptable situation for the question "Is this game almost over yet?" Not one.

2. Don't complain about incessant remote-control flipping on Sunday. We know when to flip and we know where we're going. We're trying to catch as much football as possible.

3. Don't belittle our gambling or fantasy football. Comments like "You have a bookie?," or "I can't believe you guys pick players and pretend you're the coach," or, my personal favorite, "You guys need to get a life" are all guaranteed to make us hate you.

4. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

5. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

6. Women’s sports are considered classy B porn, except tennis.

7. If a bet is made and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.

8. There is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in, unless you are participating in an organized sporting event.

9. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos, unless it’s Michael Phelps.

10. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more, harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers"
"Nice turd cutter"

11. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

12. If two men fight, the winner is not allowed to start another fight with the same guy. However the loser may get unlimited chances to reclaim his honor.

13. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts or you are an active member of the military. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar south of New Jersey.

14. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.

15. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

16. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly acceptable to watch.

17. Bitching about the brand of free beverages before a football game in your buddy's refrigerator is strictly forbidden and is grounds for dismissal.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing.

19. Shotgun must be called with fingers pointing down at the seat at all times when getting out of your seat. This is good for a 2 minutes but not a bathroom break. If your seat is up for grabs. However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is left up to the owner of the house sudden death situation.

20. If someone is doing bench press and another guy wishes to perform an Atomic Fart on their face, the receiver may or may not finish their set and release a warranted fury.