Russian Spy Woman Found Passing Documents

Russian national Anna Chapman a 28-year-old divorcee with a masters in economics, an online real-estate business, a fancy Financial District apartment and a Victoria’s Secret body had been passing information to a Russian government official every Wednesday since January, authorities charged. She has also been passing around sexual favors to both sides for equal gain.

In one particularly slick spy exchange on St. Patrick’s Day, Chapman pulled a laptop out of a tote bag in a bookstore at Warren and Greenwich streets in the West Village while her handler (fancy word for guy who fucks her for information) lurked outside, receiving her message on his own computer, the feds said. A similar exchange occurred at a Midtown coffee shop at 47th Street and 8th Ave. She also exchanged a bout of clamidia but that is hearsay.

The FBI claimed the two were corresponding via a secret online network. Last week, an undercover agent pretending to be a Russian official arranged a meeting to talk about the weekly laptop exchanges, pretending to be ready to send the sexy spy on a mission to deliver a fake passport to another female agent, according to the federal complaint. "Are you ready for this step?" he asked. "DAH aka yes," Chapman allegedly gushed.

The undercover instructed her on how she would recognize her fellow spy and how to report back on the hand off, the feds said. "Haven’t we met in California last summer?" the spy expecting the fake passport was supposed to say. Chapman was to respond, "No, I think it was the Hamptons," according to the FBI.

Chapman allegedly was also supposed to hold a magazine under her arm so her counterpart would recognize her, and plant a stamp on a wall map indicate the hand off was a success. It never took place. Another spy movie like maneuver took place in Brooklyn shortly after the meeting with the undercover agent when Chapman darted into a Verizon phone store to buy a cell using the name Irine Kutsov, and an address of "99 Fake Street," the feds said. She only planned to use the phone to "avoid detection of her conversations," the FBI alleged.

At her arraignment last night, she was held without bail as federal prosecutor Michael Farbiarz called her a "highly trained agent" and a "practiced deceiver." The other suspects, including four middle-aged couples living seemingly ordinary professional lives, were supplied with bogus names and documents and told by Moscow to become "Americanized," infiltrate "policy making circles" in the United States and send secrets back to the

All allegedly were on deep-cover assignments and schooled in spying tradecraft from using high-tech methods like digital gadgets to traditional methods like invisible ink, sending encoded radio bursts of data and using innocent-looking "brush-by" encounters to pass documents.

What the American public does not realize is that not only did the FBI, CIA, NSA but also the SBI of the state of North Carolina was in on the sting. That's right, all agencies were recording Chapman undress, go to toilet, masturbate, have random Sex, put on sexy lingerie for their own individual investigations. Moscow had no idea that money wasting bureaucracies of the United States were intentionally leading Chapman on for their own sexual pleasures. Once this was discovered Vladimir Putin was outraged. American men has been banging the shit out of a Russian agent and passing on fake information to keep the Russian sexual humiliation to persist for months.

America basically used Chapman as a receptacle of instant gratification spread out of several months. Major deposits of protein were made to the bank of Russia and this is what pisses of Putin the most. America stuck its dick in the pride of Russian dark arts. Those days of secret agent man are over Russia. You just got screwed by America, literally, figuratively and metaphorically. Enjoy.