What Happened Joaquin?
The Elder First of thank you for taking the time to talk with us and what do you prefer to be called? Phoenix "I prefer to be called what ever god intended for you to call me". The Elder I will just call you Joaquin then. Phoenix "I actually would prefer his Omnipotent Highness Krill" The Elder Ummm, well lets get right to it then...Why the hell did you turn stone cold fuck nuts on everyone? Phoenix "I am not crazy I just have a colony of frogs in my hair" The Elder Ummm, ok well, why the ballstiens did you quit acting? Phoenix I have conquered my own being and the only thing left for me is to be like Freddie Mercury and engulf myself in music like the heathen kings of old". The Elder What drugs are you injecting up your ass to make you so fucking strange? Phoenix "I am the voice of my own god" The Elder Yes you are... How the fuck did you even get here today? Phoenix "My chariot brought me forth with to answer the call of Mordor". The Elder Mordor? I do not think you were in the movie". Phoenix "You are more wrong than bowling. I was originally cast as Aragon, son of Arathorn". The Elder You can remember some pretty pointless details can't you? Phoenix "I no longer eat hot dogs because they are not dogs but even if they were it would be wrong". The Elder Do you know what sleeping is? Phoenix You're the one who is asleep, all of you and my eyes are open by the blessed winds of Thors hammer". The Elder You're just like Russel Crowe will never be a rock star and you should stick with acting. Phoenix "I'm going to be the biggest musical visionary since Lennon left the Beetles for tax purposes". The Elder "Do you think you would enjoy working with handicap kids?" Phoenix "All of you humans are handicapped" The Elder HOLY SHIT, GET THIS PSYCHO OFF OF ME, HE'S BITING MY GOD DAMN FINGERS!!! Phoenix (Inaudible) Best Guess "NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM". Production Assistant: "We had to pull Joaquin off and call security, apparently he thought he was biting the ghost of Roy Orbison who he thought was stealing his magic chocolates. We think that Joaquin needs to be committed and be forced into a detoxification chamber as soon as possible. He was escorted off the set by his driver and our friend and TNA wrestler Black Machismo." | 
